She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
