my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
