I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
