Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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