did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
