Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
