3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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