the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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