It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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