what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
