we have pet lesbian snakes
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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