Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
