shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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