Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I think im going to throw up on grandma
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
