when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
