You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
