I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
