I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
