you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
