you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
