I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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