Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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