his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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