Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
