My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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