I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
