i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
