at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
