just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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