Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
