After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
