dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
