I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
