covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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