whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
