how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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