even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
