My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
