woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I am mentally ready for anal.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
