I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
