I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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