Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
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I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
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I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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