Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
