My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
