its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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