the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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