I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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