found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
