grandma shit on top of the toilet
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
then he tried to convert me to islam
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
