I have demons in me.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
