I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
