So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
