I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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