I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
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