just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
