We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
