I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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