1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize