i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
