I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
