EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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