pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
