dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
my sisters under your porch take her home
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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