Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
