I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
